We Are Hoarders

Have you ever went to play cards at someone's house, and you see they have three decks of cards, so you pick one up. As you do this, this person looks up and says "Oh, no, not that one. That ones missing a few cards." So you set it back down and grab another pack. "Not that one either, the cards are weird and I don't like using them." So then finally you ask about the third pack before you bother picking them up, they say "Yea, those are the good ones." You ask, "Why do you have two other decks of cards that you don't even use?" "Just incase." they reply.

Have you ever wanted to do them a favor and just throw away the two decks of cards they don't use? Why are we so willing to fill our lives with things we don't need, or just aren't happy with?

Let's just put this into a different context. It could be clothes, that are too big or too small. Or books/movies that you don't really like, just collecting dust on the shelf. Maybe they're just knickknacks cluttering your house or living space.

Let's go a little deeper. It could be a habit you have that you know isn't good, but you just can't help your self. Could be a relationship you're in. You're not happy, just too lazy to start over with someone else. Could be friends. The kind that aren't your real friends, who may only use you for a laugh, a ride, or something else you might have to offer. Now an extra deck of cards doesn't seem so bad.

Hoarding isn't really something at people admire. If you've ever seen the show Hoarders, you may wonder how people can live like that. But you can be a hoarder and not even have all that many possessions. You can fill your life with a lifestyle that isn't needed, nor even making your happy, and seem to think that, somehow, this is different than the people on that show.

Most of us do it, myself included. I just don't understand how we can fall into these traps. Yet, this has become the norm. Look at Facebook, or the since forgotten Myspace. We can now hoard "friends", including people that we don't even know. Seriously, how many people on your friends list do you even talk to or even like? How many people have "friends" that will leave a comment you say "Dude, I wish they wouldn't talk to me." I have some bad news. You, my friend, are a hoarder.

Either way.

Just think about this. Think about what would happen if we got rid of all the pointless, useless, unneeded junk in our lives, and focused on something that would better ourselves. It sounds crazy, I know. Just think about it.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

Not quite sure how to say this, but here it goes.

I found out a few days ago that my dad (stepdad who's last name I have due to marriage) is in the hospital and probably won't make it. I want to see him out of respect, but at the same time I feel weird cause I don't really even know him.

My whole life I feel like I was raised by my mother and I was raised to believe Richard Johnson was my father. However, my mother taught me to not worry about this guy. She told me he was an asshole, that he didn't care about us, her and I, and she would often tell me how good life would be after he passes away. (Ps. this was before she walked out on us.) I was raised hearing this as a child, so it didn't really occur to me that this was wrong on so many levels.

So basically, my life was kinda like the Eminem song that starts "When I was a baby boy my momma used to tell me these crazy things." None the less, I never took the time out to find out who this old man was that slept on the couch, built trailers, whom I was to call father. Then again, he never really took the time out to get to know me.

Just before my mother started using drugs, I found out that this man was not my father. Sadly, I felt better knowing that he wasn't, as I was raised to look down upon him. Even after she left, I couldn't find any common ground with the man. I've never had a real conversation with him. I remember in high school, someone asked what I would do if my dad died. I replied jokingly, "I'd probably cry for a good 5 minutes then move on with my life." Yet here he is, in the hospital, dying, and I don't feel any different. My biggest concern is the awkwardness that awaits my visit. This bothers me. A lot.

It's just, what do you say to a man that's dying, whom you're supposed to call your father, but never actually had a connection with, whom you don't really love, whom you don't even really know? I feel like a horrible person. My dad is dying, and I just don't know if I care.

What's wrong with me?

Amazing

Tonight my band played an amazing show. There wasn't really a huge turn out nor did we get paid all that much. It was just the vibe of the night. It felt great. All the bands that played did fantastic, ourselves included. I don't usually talk myself up but man did we play well. I got to see one of my favorite bands, whom I can also call my friends, Indian Summer (formally Farewell Flight). Before they played their last song, Luke talked to everyone in the audience about how real it was being in a band. It was very touching and inspiring. Made me realize there's not much I'd rather do with my life than play music.

I haven't felt like this in a while. It's a feeling of great accomplishment. Happiness. Lately I've just been concentrating on the negative, and it's really brought me down. But tonight really made me think about things. It really made me think about patience and how "worth it" it is just to wait. And it's definitely worth it. Tonight also reminded me that God has a plan for me and I believe tonight was a nudge in the right direction. Why else would I have this incredible feeling?

It's like God set everything up perfectly, as He always does. And I really thank Him for putting all these people and situations in my life. Even though times can seem bleak, they always work out in the end. And in that moment I think about what truly matters, even though I tend to lose sight, especially as of late. But I can see how everything fits together, and I look back and ask myself why I worry so much.

I can tell this is going somewhere, my band that is. And it doesn't have to be huge, I just want a living. I want to make music that people love. That's it. It just feels soo right.

Either way.

Tonight was amazing. Hopefully there will be more nights like this soon.

:-)

BLUNT

I like to be straight forward about things. Even blunt. It's just how I am. It's one of the better ways to get your feelings out there. If you beat around the bush, chances are slim that you'll get the point across. In fact, the only time I'm not really straight forward is if I'm being shy, which happens a lot actually (especially with women), if I'm dealing with very sensitive people, or if I'm trying to keep the peace.

I just like the idea of saying how you feel, instead of bottling it up for you to explode. It usually starts with a meek kindness, "Dude, I'm not sure if you should be doing that. I don't think it's a good idea." But no one ever really responds well to that. " I know what I'm doing, don't worry about it." So then you try the straight forward method. The problem is it usually involves insensitivity. So now you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. You care so much that you are now willing to be a prick, lol. All because most people don't want to listen to reason.

Have you ever went out with a friend who was dead set on finding a girl to take home just for the night? Have you ever tried telling that person that they're not making a good decision? At this point "I wouldn't do that, you're taking this break up the wrong way." doesn't make a dent in this persons mind. But say "Dude quit being a F#(&ing @$$hole, you're acting like a child." and now you have their attention. It's negative, but it's attention. But maybe that's what it takes to get them to hear you out.

Maybe, one day, we'll be able to get our point across without being so blunt. Maybe, one day, we'll be able to just see how idiotic we're acting and just stop. And maybe, one day, I'll turn into a fish with wings that can sing opera!

It's been a long time since I posted anything.

But here we go.

I was browsing Facebook a few minutes ago, and came across a post from this dude. He said something about Jesus needing cocaine to perform all those "miracles", he put miracles in parentheses. This bothers me so much.

If you don't believe in God, that's one thing. But when you verbally attack my God, I honestly won't know if I'll want to be friends with you. It's like when someone talks crap about your best friend and thinks you'll be ok with it. But the funny thing is, when you ask why they do it, they say something along the lines of "People talk so much about how they believe, why can't I talk about how I don't?" and the answer is, because you do it in such a hateful way. I mean if you said, "I don't really believe in God, it just never clicked with me. But hey do what you gotta do." I wouldn't mind at all. But it's all the hate, I just can't stand it. Partially cause it makes me hate as well. I hate hatefulness. Does that make sense?

Selfishness, arrogance, pride. When God starts getting in the way of what we want, we don't like Him. When God starts getting the credit that we think we deserve, we get jealous. I thought of a scenario earlier today. Boss gives employee a raise, employee says praise God, boss says "God didn't give you that raise, I did!" Must have been how the kings felt during biblical times.

Either way

It seems as though we let our selfish pride take over our emotions and allow ourselves to tear each other down because of what we believe in, or any reason for that matter. Why do we have to be so hateful?

Needless to say I deleted him as a friend.

I really can't stand Jesus bashing.