Dating

Where do I begin? I've always found the process of dating awkward, ya know? Like the whole getting to know someone stage? Meeting up with a person you know little to nothing about and starting a conversation that is going to determine the rest of your night. I don't mean that in a sexual way either. Actually I think a girl who kisses on the first date would be a deal breaker, or at least close to it. I'm talking about just how the night goes and how the chemistry progresses is based upon conversation. That just weirds me out. I'm almost terrified.

Any time I've ever had a girlfriend, I've never really had to work to get there, it just happened. I've never actually tried hard to gain a girls attention, so therefor I still don't. This is becoming a problem. I'm getting lonelier and lonelier by the day, just kinda wishing I had someone there, but not actually putting myself out there or making an attempt. Just me living the standard American lifestyle, all dreaming and no real work being done to improve my situation. Living comfortably in my own sadness.

I am picky though. Like I said kissing on the first date would be a deal breaker..... and that's something most guys would want. Other deal breakers include; girls who do drugs (including weed), girls who don't believe in God, and whorish girls. Even girls who are promiscuously dressed are a turn off.

I really just need to change a few things, for the better that is. Since I'm not meeting any girls at the school I don't go to, or at my job that requires me to keep all conversations to a minimum, I need to build up confidence and actually start talking to girls and just work on my conversation skills. Sometimes I fear I might be a little too boring ha. It kinda sucks when all I really talk about is music or some form of art. Those are the things I'm passionate about in life, so I guess I need to find a girl that shares those same passions.

I guess you could say I'd like an artsy girl, stylish, Christian, smart (perhaps college?), nonsmoker, not a big party girl, independent (has a car, job, maybe lives on their own?), fun, likes to laugh, good hearted, ect... (I'm also a big eyes and teeth guy.) A lot of those are musts, and no matter how "lonely" I get, I don't want to settle for someone who won't make me truly happy.

Either way, it all just leads back to confidence and balls. I need both. I need to get out there and do something about it. There's a Death Cab song that goes "And all you see is where else you can be when you're at home. And out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone." I feel like that's me. And I'm kinda tired of spending cuddling time with a pillow when I'm falling asleep.