Amazing

Tonight my band played an amazing show. There wasn't really a huge turn out nor did we get paid all that much. It was just the vibe of the night. It felt great. All the bands that played did fantastic, ourselves included. I don't usually talk myself up but man did we play well. I got to see one of my favorite bands, whom I can also call my friends, Indian Summer (formally Farewell Flight). Before they played their last song, Luke talked to everyone in the audience about how real it was being in a band. It was very touching and inspiring. Made me realize there's not much I'd rather do with my life than play music.

I haven't felt like this in a while. It's a feeling of great accomplishment. Happiness. Lately I've just been concentrating on the negative, and it's really brought me down. But tonight really made me think about things. It really made me think about patience and how "worth it" it is just to wait. And it's definitely worth it. Tonight also reminded me that God has a plan for me and I believe tonight was a nudge in the right direction. Why else would I have this incredible feeling?

It's like God set everything up perfectly, as He always does. And I really thank Him for putting all these people and situations in my life. Even though times can seem bleak, they always work out in the end. And in that moment I think about what truly matters, even though I tend to lose sight, especially as of late. But I can see how everything fits together, and I look back and ask myself why I worry so much.

I can tell this is going somewhere, my band that is. And it doesn't have to be huge, I just want a living. I want to make music that people love. That's it. It just feels soo right.

Either way.

Tonight was amazing. Hopefully there will be more nights like this soon.

:-)

BLUNT

I like to be straight forward about things. Even blunt. It's just how I am. It's one of the better ways to get your feelings out there. If you beat around the bush, chances are slim that you'll get the point across. In fact, the only time I'm not really straight forward is if I'm being shy, which happens a lot actually (especially with women), if I'm dealing with very sensitive people, or if I'm trying to keep the peace.

I just like the idea of saying how you feel, instead of bottling it up for you to explode. It usually starts with a meek kindness, "Dude, I'm not sure if you should be doing that. I don't think it's a good idea." But no one ever really responds well to that. " I know what I'm doing, don't worry about it." So then you try the straight forward method. The problem is it usually involves insensitivity. So now you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. You care so much that you are now willing to be a prick, lol. All because most people don't want to listen to reason.

Have you ever went out with a friend who was dead set on finding a girl to take home just for the night? Have you ever tried telling that person that they're not making a good decision? At this point "I wouldn't do that, you're taking this break up the wrong way." doesn't make a dent in this persons mind. But say "Dude quit being a F#(&ing @$$hole, you're acting like a child." and now you have their attention. It's negative, but it's attention. But maybe that's what it takes to get them to hear you out.

Maybe, one day, we'll be able to get our point across without being so blunt. Maybe, one day, we'll be able to just see how idiotic we're acting and just stop. And maybe, one day, I'll turn into a fish with wings that can sing opera!

It's been a long time since I posted anything.

But here we go.

I was browsing Facebook a few minutes ago, and came across a post from this dude. He said something about Jesus needing cocaine to perform all those "miracles", he put miracles in parentheses. This bothers me so much.

If you don't believe in God, that's one thing. But when you verbally attack my God, I honestly won't know if I'll want to be friends with you. It's like when someone talks crap about your best friend and thinks you'll be ok with it. But the funny thing is, when you ask why they do it, they say something along the lines of "People talk so much about how they believe, why can't I talk about how I don't?" and the answer is, because you do it in such a hateful way. I mean if you said, "I don't really believe in God, it just never clicked with me. But hey do what you gotta do." I wouldn't mind at all. But it's all the hate, I just can't stand it. Partially cause it makes me hate as well. I hate hatefulness. Does that make sense?

Selfishness, arrogance, pride. When God starts getting in the way of what we want, we don't like Him. When God starts getting the credit that we think we deserve, we get jealous. I thought of a scenario earlier today. Boss gives employee a raise, employee says praise God, boss says "God didn't give you that raise, I did!" Must have been how the kings felt during biblical times.

Either way

It seems as though we let our selfish pride take over our emotions and allow ourselves to tear each other down because of what we believe in, or any reason for that matter. Why do we have to be so hateful?

Needless to say I deleted him as a friend.

I really can't stand Jesus bashing.

Weight

I just got out of the shower and weighed myself. The scale then shouted at me saying "211 now get off!" This was after my morning pee and before I ate food. I need to start working out again. I was working out for a little bit about 2 months ago and I went from 215 to 203. But then I stopped, started drinking pop, and eating a little more. I need to start again.

The funny thing is, during fall of last year I didn't work out at all and lost about 25 lbs. So things that have changed from last year: I wasn't drinking pop, I only ate one 8" sub a day at work by cutting it in half and eating have at like 4 pm and the other at 7/7:30 pm, I ate one bowl of cereal every morning, I rarely ate fast food, my band was steadily practicing 3 times a week, and my friends and I would find enjoyment in walking around for hours in Wyandotte at night. I'd like to get back into this routine.

I've never been thin. Even in photos of me in kindergarten you'll find a chunky me. This is something that I would really like to accomplish, I just have to make it work! And I don't even want to be super skinny, maybe just 180. I think that would be a good weight considering my height and muscle mass. I'm not bragging but I have huge leg and chest muscles. But I also have little arms lol.

Either way, starting today there will be no fast food nor any pop for me (unless pop is the only thing available, which is very rare). Also no more food after 7/8 depending on when the last time I ate was.

Imma do dis!

Trust Is An Acquired Taste

After the fight you think you've got it
You've found a way away from the pain
You've learned to keep distance
As if the world had a knife
You can't be cut if you don't come too close

In leaving two feet between you and everyone you meet
You stand on guard
Tip toeing
Waiting
Because the next person you come in contact with
Only offers error without trial
Leaving you up a creek with a paddle.... but no boat

But its called faith and
Trust is an acquired taste
For some it takes seconds
Some it will take eternity
But sometime between yesterday and forever
You will find happiness and
There I'll be waiting for you

I wrote this in spring or summer of '07

Why Waste The Weather

Why waste the weather
Come lay with me
Beneath the moon and the stars
Where we'll smile and hold each other
You're lips pressed against mine
Until dawn
The sunrise will illuminate your face
And your eyes will shine brighter than ever
In this moment
We'll know how true happiness feels

I wrote that a little over three years ago.

Dating

Where do I begin? I've always found the process of dating awkward, ya know? Like the whole getting to know someone stage? Meeting up with a person you know little to nothing about and starting a conversation that is going to determine the rest of your night. I don't mean that in a sexual way either. Actually I think a girl who kisses on the first date would be a deal breaker, or at least close to it. I'm talking about just how the night goes and how the chemistry progresses is based upon conversation. That just weirds me out. I'm almost terrified.

Any time I've ever had a girlfriend, I've never really had to work to get there, it just happened. I've never actually tried hard to gain a girls attention, so therefor I still don't. This is becoming a problem. I'm getting lonelier and lonelier by the day, just kinda wishing I had someone there, but not actually putting myself out there or making an attempt. Just me living the standard American lifestyle, all dreaming and no real work being done to improve my situation. Living comfortably in my own sadness.

I am picky though. Like I said kissing on the first date would be a deal breaker..... and that's something most guys would want. Other deal breakers include; girls who do drugs (including weed), girls who don't believe in God, and whorish girls. Even girls who are promiscuously dressed are a turn off.

I really just need to change a few things, for the better that is. Since I'm not meeting any girls at the school I don't go to, or at my job that requires me to keep all conversations to a minimum, I need to build up confidence and actually start talking to girls and just work on my conversation skills. Sometimes I fear I might be a little too boring ha. It kinda sucks when all I really talk about is music or some form of art. Those are the things I'm passionate about in life, so I guess I need to find a girl that shares those same passions.

I guess you could say I'd like an artsy girl, stylish, Christian, smart (perhaps college?), nonsmoker, not a big party girl, independent (has a car, job, maybe lives on their own?), fun, likes to laugh, good hearted, ect... (I'm also a big eyes and teeth guy.) A lot of those are musts, and no matter how "lonely" I get, I don't want to settle for someone who won't make me truly happy.

Either way, it all just leads back to confidence and balls. I need both. I need to get out there and do something about it. There's a Death Cab song that goes "And all you see is where else you can be when you're at home. And out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone." I feel like that's me. And I'm kinda tired of spending cuddling time with a pillow when I'm falling asleep.